Suicide? The things I was thinking when I once thought about that.

I saw this #629 fb post at University of Malaya confession page thingy. It was like a long time ago, but only now I finish and publish this draft as a response to it (coz, if I write this down in the comment..I'll be dead meat when a new sem start. So, here it goes...

This isn't something that people should and would confess about, but I almost did it-suicide But why didn't I?

1)every breath you take, granted, awarded by God (regardless of your religion, there is a higher power who give us this life, right?) key point: faith.

2)everything have something behind the lines, so to speak.. find that logic reasoning if that may help you to get a grip on something. key point: rational
-Digging backward-analyze the cause(s): "Is it my fault?""How does it justified as my fault?""Is it solvable?""How can it be solved?"
-Digging forward-analyze the consequence(s): "Is this justify of what you did/had?"
Sometimes, we're just clouded by our emotions. Just get someone or something to pour the negative emotions upon. For me, I stop the 'pity party', jot some of 'the digging' down and did some "duel match" with emo-self. I hit her hard with reasoning, and end it with something that goes along the line, "Stop being a fool, Shida! Come on, you're better than this!" And yay, WIN!

3-every seconds of good moments you've been through before, is it really that petty to exchange all that for a one-time depression? You know, there're others who're fighting for another day to live, especially in war-torn countries. Do you wanna trade places with em then? key point: appreciation

4-every person that love you or/and you love, think of em. think of how your mom/dad/siblings/friends would cry their hearts out when you're gone. key point: love yourself (as cliche as it is)
-Don't give a f***  even if it feels like the world hates you, give em that finger instead t(*0*t).
-Don't put your value in this world based on how much love you received or how many people adored you. You are you yourself. You put the standard of evaluation yourself. You yourself strive for it.
(eg:  how much I better I am today than yesterday, or how much I contribute to the society, how will I prove myself (and the world, but not that it matters most though) that I can do things that I myself proud of)

5-everything that doesn't kill you make you stronger. (cue Kelly Clarkson ^_^) key point: endurance. Ok, what differs a diamond and a graphite in a pencil? Both are of the same element. But the gem of the gems, as the most valuable thing (so far) have greater network of chemical bonds, due to massive amount of heat energy and friction. (mehh, sorry if this chemistry student bores you to sleep) So, try to apply this analogy and think that the things you're facing with is just a test or a process to be better person. Heck, be adamantium, be strong-willed just like Naruto! (be cool like Sasuke! :3) (yeah, I'm a geek who love manga/comics/games!)

I simply regret and ashamed that I too was once weak and enough to be in that state of depression, to think about suicide seriously.May that will never happen again, ever.

Love = Dark Chocolate

ALERT: This contains repetitious usage of the word 'love' and some eww-jiwang-karat-gila stuff. and some words that need discretion. LOL. oh, this is just me writing, for me and those who don't find their love yet. Sorry if this touch any sentiment.

I tweeted these before and wanna say it again..Love is #BitterSweet like my fav dark choc!When I saw a couple holding hands, I felt happy for them..but devastated for myself. The same goes when I read novels and watch romantic stuff. Man, how I envy the feeling to have someone to love and love you back!

I dunno for sure, but teenagers and pre-adults thinks of love most of the time, especially girls during PMS (but not every girls though). But it become a trend, a new normalcy to have a bf/gf. A new wow factor to have multiple of em at the same time (HECK! That's so low!). A new swag to able to to have uncountable bfs/gfs, ex-bfs/gfs, TemanTapiMesra and fans. (Yay, you're hot but so what?).

I have once considered to change myself and be a player, so flirted around a lil', just a payback, just to feel like "Hell, I can do it and I wanna do it", just to beat the crap out of bastards that do it....but I didn't coz I put love as something that is the most precious and sincere thing. Love isn't a condom/cloth or something you wear and throw it off (tukar2 pasangan...).

I'm no good at this kind of stuff (nil real experience) & I'm just blinded as you are. but I just thought that better I write this down, clear my head before going to sleep and clear this nagging to update this blog. So, What is LOVE?

1.LOVE ISN'T HERE..YET the one for you will come, just not now, not yet (as cliche as it sounds, it's true). You rush it up, you'll just find a fake love. There are reasons as for why you didn't find it yet. You can't compare yourself with other people in this thing, you are you, your route of life is different. Plus, as the saying goes, save the best for the last.
2.LOVE IS ALLAH's kalau betul awk dgn dia, Allah akan titipkan rasa cinta (sebab itu anugerah kepunyaanNya, kalau ada jodoh, x ke mana. Sbb dh tertulis sedari dulu lagi..kan? :)
3.LOVE IS A RESPONSIBILITY. Are you mature (both physically and mentally of course) enough? Have you done other responsibilities (to yourself, family, future) well? Are you capable to take care of another, without neglecting the previous?
4.LOVE IS TRUE. So how do you know it is? Ask yourself: Why I love her/him actually, the real reason? If that reason is omitted, do I love her/him all the same?

I know this sounds soooo serious, but if you're just thinking of tasting the waters, you don't need to go beyond 'friends' and hold hands and call/text all day & night etc. (I've always wondered, wth you talk/text all day/night long..seriously, tell me!) For me, I'll pass. I have enough sins to put up to but never enough money, time & brain cells, to be used. And of course, I only have 1 heart and 1 life. :)

Just remember...

but

And..

So..

For me..

:)